Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
