I want to stick my p in your. b.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
