I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It's just like the Real World with babies
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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