when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
