How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
COCAINE IS GR8
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
is it fun? or sober?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
