Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
