dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
