Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
