he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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