Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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