You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
