so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
