dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
