dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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