I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
