I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
