Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
