If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
