god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize