Only a mothe r could love this liver
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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