chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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