i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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