I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We need to get me chipped asap
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize