Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
