umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
