I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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