i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
