hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
