and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
