So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
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Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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