all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
