i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
