HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
