Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
