Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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