So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?