goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum