woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."