Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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