And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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