Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
