It's like God shit irony all over that family
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
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It's never too late to be topless.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
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Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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