i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Houston, we have a blender
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Randomize