if you like me you must not know who I am
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
