nut hugger
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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