i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
