i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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