i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
