i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
