Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
