Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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