I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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