i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I see more hoeing in ur future
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