As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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