dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
