i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
