Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize