dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
