If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
