Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
im holly from the hills drunk
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
