I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
