why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
