i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
