I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
